wow well guys here comes the truth

so ya long time no talk everyone except pebbels so yea good news first i guess...i get out of coyote hills soon in agust ill be living with an aunt of mine.....hopefully tht works out well if not well....it wouldnt be anythign diffrent in my life so yea....now tht u herd the good news
i orriginaly made this blog to express feeligns....i didnt ever imagine having followers on this blog or over thousand views...the blog was orriginally made for m to commit suicide
i needed ot get it out in the air wthout others knowing and if they did happen to find it tye would know about my life, and well i almsot commited suicide but....i found some one pebbles she saved my life i had many freinds...all of whom were great but i still didnt liek my life.....but with pebs i did like my lif...i loved life in fact jsut knowing that i coudl ta to her made my everyday great i thank pebs she saved my life she knows this as we have talked very much and have gotten in a strong relationship together guys....im thankful that i didnt kill myself and that you guys would have been witnesses to that im kool now....coyote hill isnt tht bad butit will be great leaving a new experience you know...liek when a ran away...jsut a strong feeling that you cant describe....lol kinda liek how i feel towards pebs....shes a strong feelign i cant describe but i love it very much.... well for now ill ttyl guys always
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im back!!!

hey guys sorry i stopped bloging for awile nothing really new they found me a home with my aunt...no jnot the one that passed away. i am finnaly gettign out oft his group home. goign back to my old school with my old freinds. the odd part is i built a strong relationship with my foster dad and foster mom here at the group home ill miss them alot. they are liek actuall parenrts. but i want to live in a home with ym actual familyso im still going back...here i go guys back out to the real world wish me luck!
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wtf....

i cant rlly talk im depressed after i do a memorial about deaths my fuckign aunt dies wtf i gtg i cant type im to shakey
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Memorial

This is to all the people who have lost a loved one expecilly my Friend pebbs she is upset about losing her mother plz keep her in your prayers I'm sure she would appreciate it...it's hard to lose some one you Love trust me all my faml ve ever loved have passed on....it is a hard thing to cope with but you got to...if you don't the pain Will at you from the inside...i don't want you all end up like me...I'm pathetic cowering in my own emotions i don't trust any one...anyone Ive ever trusted has failed me or left me feeling pain inside of myself so please my Friends don't hold on to pain let it go or turn it into something good...when a loved one passes they don't want us to feel pain and hurt they want us to live on their name we will be reunited with hem when our own times comes. People I'm not saying don;t miss your love ones but don't let a death take over your full world....you wont last in life if you do that....everyone has a purpose from god...i know mine...god has put me through allot of shit and my life is horrible....but i think I'm a guardian angel to allot of people...call em the dark angel if you wish because that's what i feel like I'm in pain and hurt but yet i still help people with problems i am always the person who stays strong during the worst times....I'm all ways the one making everyone lives bttr evn if it hurts me i dont know y i do it i just do...it is my purpose in life...but i don't want others to feel pain and hurt i feel live your lives freely and stay strong in your free life death is natural it hurts i know but you need to find a way to cope...god bless everyone ttyl
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....

...having bad day i hate today....it's filled with pain...ttyl
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have a good weekend

yet again it is a weekend yay happy days...or is it? recently in the group home Ive moved from everyone else like i am around them but I'm not with them you know...i can be i just choose not to be...Ive made alot of mistakes many of them are stupid in my life...recently i have been changing tho...the group home parents have noticed my change and congratulate me being good all of a sudden and staying out of trouble but in order to do that i have to stay away from others...which i don't mind of course... also Ive realized I'm alot smarter then alot of those kids...also Ive learned I'm a leader not a follower...i used to Be a follower tot his girl living in My home with me...i figured shes been here longer you know i should respect her...that wasn't the case I'm fed up with all the petty drama in the house I'm done I'm my own person and have been for weeks....well my fingers hurt ill ttly

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Hey

just checking in havent been on in awile so im jsut saying hi...so....hi lol
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Sad

another day in my hell hole of a life not physically but emotionally my body is killing itself from the inside out....not a day goes by any more where i don't feel pain or hurt or any other bad feeling that infects my body and spreads. its like a disease that i can't get rid of. there is no cure what so ever for my illness i have. i don't want to die not yet...i like my life for the most part. but the pain...sometimes it is so unbearable that i cant speak the most i can do is put myself in my room and listen to my music...even that don't help cause then i end up saying words i don't mean or hurting others around me by my words or the way i treat them it sucks so bad things like that are what happens everyday in my life i hate it so much I've gotten to the point where i don't know what to do...i don't want to hurt others i don't want to have this pain inflicted through out my whole body but it happens anyways and it is out of my hands the cure is there i know it...i just dot know how to find or get to that cure. i know I'm not alone. others feel worse pain then i do but honestly that doesn't help me to know even more people hurt worse then I because if that is the truth then I'm surprised they are still alive because the pain i have is killing me so if people have it worse then me then they are already mot likely dead or close to it.
I guess I better end this post ill update soon in time
remember these words always.live free and stay strong while you are living people will hurt you and the sad thing is the ones who say they love you or care for you the most are the ones that cause the most pain in the end...


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Just Saying Hi

wow i haven't been on in awhile i ran away again dumb idea let me tell you...i have tot hank my foster dad though i was really expecting him to give up on me like everyone else but he took me back into his home....maybe he is different from everyone else...hmmm ttyl ill update l8er i guess bye guys thx for reading and following
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hey guys

howd your weekend go....mine sucked as usaual..but hey tht don't matter I know this girl we have been talking off and on and she seems really cool her life is about as jacked up as mine from the sounds of it...check out her blog if you get a chance it's rlly good http://mystoryunwritten.blogspot.com/ ...ill update later

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staying after school

so i got in trouble and i have to stay after school...it so gay help me!!!!
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have a good weekend

ill re update monday
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rain...

Rain, rain, its always raining, Rain, rain, I end up saying, Rain, rain, please go away now, Rain, rain, just leave right now, Rain, rain, don’t know how, I don’t care how, To make my rainy day just go away…So I stand, in the pouring rain, So I can, feel the growing pain, Of having rain, coming down .I can see raindrops playing their game, Even though they look the same, I know that there is more to rain then the pain it makes me feel

chris armbruster

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Homework

I h8 it im sure u h8 it we all h8 it...and it annoying... ill update l8er
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Coyote hill

so yea the place I'm living in now...it is supposed to be like a normal home where kid's who don't have a home go to live and the parent's there expect us to actually like it there and become a kind loving family...well fuck that i don't really know any of those people and they don't know me there is no way I'm becoming a loving family with any of them....the only girl i would think of as a sister is a girl named Kris shes 14 and really cool she's the only thing keeping me from running again because her life is just as fucked up as mine and if i leave her she will have the same problem i do with trusting people because right now she trusts me and i don;t want to break that with her she's really kool and doesn't deserve to be there none of us who live at coyote hill like it there....i mean it a little better then getting beat again but...idk Ive been moved to many times to diff rent houses that i just feel i want to give up...i look back on My life and realize wow...i have nothing really any more the only people i have to trust really is
Leigh Ann and Kris two people i Love one like a sister the other with my whole heart...coyote hill sucks ass....if they could hit us i they probably would but there is rules against that thank god but i wan't to leave again last time i ran away i got caught...but next time im goign to NY hopefully it will be a long trip but so worth it...i will update blog soon i gtg ^_^
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life...

wow every teens day ^_^ Friday yay we get a break from the hell hole that we have to go 5/7 days of the week. it very cool i mean who doesn't love Fridays...and the good thing about Fridays...is you get to look forward to Saturdays!!! lol but yea...man i was looking back on my life and i realize what is wrong....i think I'm depressed....and a little pissed...i blame my dad for my life...if he wouldn't have commit ed suicide then i wouldn't be living my hell hole of a life..if you could even call it a life i h8 it so much...why can't i have a normal life...i mean it seems good at times then i realize wow my life sux...i mean even though i was getting beat at my mom's i still think it would be better then the place that I'm living in now... i hate it where I'm living...have you ever thought of suicide...i have many times...when i don't think i have anything worth living for i think wow...who would care if i where to die....i mean my mom hates me my dad's dead and none of my family wants me...every house i live in is a shit hole and end up throwing me out at some point any way...SO yea why don't i just end my life make everyone Else's a little better... i honestly think the only thing keeping me on this earth alive is Friends that actually understand me and the ones i love...expceily Leigh Ann..without her id be dead...i really hate life...why does it have to be this way... nobody should have to live like this...and no I'm not gonna commit suicide..i thought about it a long time ago but I'm not gonna kill myself...i just want to find a home...and get out of this mess im in
ill update blog later

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Leigh ann

I met a girl named Leigh Ann a long time ago she is a really cool sweet beautiful girl and i really love her...i mean really love her like my whole world is her anything i do i think of her i can't even be in a relationship without thinking of her which isn't bad at all i Love it..the only bad thing is she lives in a different state then i do the only way we can communicate anymore is by email...which I'm glad i can still hear from her but that's not enough for me...i want to be with her..i want to be able to hold her hand to press her lips to mine, to hold her when shes scared to comfort her when she's sad. I Love her so much...others will say it just teen love...i disagree this is true i know it is...if something where to ever happen to her i don't know what id do...id end my own life for hers i would gladly die if it meant she could live. if anyone where to ever hurt Ann i would hurt them 10x more they would wish they were dieing wish they were never born...Ann to me is like the air i breath...like the sun that shines...i would give up anything for her and i think she feels the same for me...Ann if you are reading this i love you with all my heart i always have since i met you..and i probably always will...we may have our disagreements in the future or fights but i will always love you nothing could stop my love and connection i share with you..and when I'm 16 i will come see you no second thoughts about it Ann you have no idea how much you mean to me...well maybe you do cause i think you think the same about me...i will look at the sun and moon everyday for now on until i see you and i will be hoping that you are looking to and thinking of me i have to go for now but i will always be thinking of you Ann always and forever you hold my heart
i will update blog soon
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Girls...so confusing

So i met a girl named kayla she was really cool we didnt start dating until about a week ago but i mean we wer flirting alot b4 we dated like a month b4...but yea so i just started losing intrest in her and i so wanted to break up with her but i don't feel dumping a girl is right..so i just gave her excuses to dump me...it worked...but i just figured out a few days ago that she was cheating on me with some guy named Austin...it really sux..i really like a girl named Leigh ann but she lives in a diff state then me...i so wish i can see her soon or something i miss her so much...and im pretty sure i can say i love her because i have for a long time ive promised her my heart for eternity...as long as she is careful with it...but jeez why do girls need to cheat on guys...rlly sux girls are so confusing but hey what would i do with out them. oh and kayla just a few words if you read this..Fuck you you slut. ,,!,,(-_-),,!,,
i will update soon hopefully thx ^_^
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WOW...

So yea....i am currently living in a foster home called coyote hills...it not a normal foster home...it a home were kids that have got kicked out or moved from another home...they live at coyote hills....well i decided the other day that i hate it there i would rather be getting hit....so i did what any typical teenager would do....i ran away...trust me...hitch hiking = very scary but i did make it back to where i wanted to go which would be New Bloomfield M.O but yea so i made it there and visited old freinds none of them could belive i ran away....well little did i know one of my old freinds turned me in and the cops found me...so now im back living at coyote hill...wich sux...i jsut want to go home...i miss it...and i will run again no one can stop me!

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school...ughh

Wow i mean i understand that school is importent but why do they have to make it so boring....i mean it the same thing everyday...everyday i wake up take a shower get dressed then eat breakfast....finnaly i get to school and it the same thing 7 hr's in all and we just walk around liek zombies going to class after class after class....do you agree? i mean so boring right!
i will update blog soon

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MY life

hey everyone I'm 15 years old I'm your typical teenager tiring to survive the world and anything it throws at me. I am a Lutheran Ive followed god almost my whole life.life sucks ill be the first but not the last to tell you all that...if you find god it is a little easier on you but not really because all through my life Ive believed in god and what has god done for me? exactly you can guess it nothing...Since i was born up to 2005 Ive been hit beat you name it....when i was three my mom and dad split up...my dad found a girl in Iowa named Katie and married her...he had two daughters with her....my dad committed suicide in 2005 and my mom since i hadn't seen since i was three wanted custody of me...you can only guess how that went...it was maybe a week be for we started fighting and then she started hitting me...nothing new in my life but i thought she was different guess i was wrong so they took me out of my house and moved me with my grandma well that didnt work either,,so they moved me with a foster family...and o guess what they gave me up to big surpise there...but hey ive got to go for now ill update later

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